Thank You Notes

Dear Amber,

I am a firm believer in "Thank Yous."  I have come to learn that when we are grateful we are happier.  It has been of great importance to me to teach BTM and MLM to send Thank You notes when they've received gifts or special treatment.  If, for some reason we don't send a Thank You, we try to call the person and thank them or send an email....but Thank You notes are my preferred method.  I know there have been times when I've forgotten to send a Thank You and believe me, I beat myself up enough about it that no one else needs to do so.  As a matter of course, if a wedding or baby gift or other gift is sent to you and I do not receive some kind of acknowledgement in receipt of the gifts, I am not likely to send you anything more and will remember forever that a Thank You was not sent.  It's holding a grudge over something small and I realize that, hell it is what it is.  Most recently, we forgot to send a Thank You to the Hetrick's for the package they sent us for Christmas.  A terrible thing, I know.  So, with the Birthday gifts we sent to Fifi I included a brief thank you, but it's likely not enough and I need to get my act together. 

If each of us took the time to write one thank you note a week, we'd be much happier people.  Send a Thank You to an old friend for being there for you, or to your child's teacher for their support, or to your in laws for producing a wonderful spouse for you to love, or to your mailman for delivering faithfully six days a week, or your favorite grocery store clerk, the options are endless.  Remember these notes are important and should be hand written and mailed (yes snail mailed) to the recipient.  Getting mail that is not a bill is a treat.

So, Amber.  Is the hand written Thank You note a thing of the past?  I sure hope not.

Dear Sarah,

I'm mostly with you on this.

I too worship at the church of Thank You Notes Are a Must.

I will say that I'm a bit evolved though, that I will accept an email or phone call thank you for most occasions.  For instance, Christmas presents from grandma and grandpa, thanking someone for sending you a thoughtful birthday card (yes, I always call or email someone to thank you for sending me a birthday card.  1st, they thought of me, 2nd they spent $ on a card, 3rd they spent .45 on a stamp...my thank you email was free!), etc.  But for birthday gifts, wedding gifts, shower gifts, etc., a hand written, mailed, thank you note is a must in our house.  (Hmm, I wonder why I feel for birthday gifts must have a hand written TUN, but for Christmas a phone call will do?  I'll have to think on that and maybe change my personal policy.)

Part of it for me is just common courtesy.  Most gifts I give are through the mail to my friends/family who live far away.  And if I send you a present or your child a card with some cash in it for their birthday, I want to know you RECEIVED it!  If a week goes by and I haven't heard from you, I start to stress that maybe that handmade present or that $10 bill got lost in the mail.  I don't want to call you to ask if you received it, because often I want it to be a surprise. And when it is not a surprise, I still don't want to ask, because it seems presumptuous of me to call and ask you if you got what I sent you, almost like I'm saying "I deserve special recognition and praise for what I did for you," when really all I'm saying is "I hope that baby quilt I spent 40 hours sewing didn't get lost in the mail."

But I will admit that there is that part of me that wants that special recognition and praise for what I did for you, too.  And if you never acknowledge my gift, I do feel as if my time, effort, and money weren't appreciated by you, and it will make me think twice about sending you something in the future. 

And correspondingly, people who quickly and appropriately express their gratitude and appreciation stay at the top of my list of people to do nice things for.

Maybe that is egotistical of me, but oh well, I'm only human.