But Sarah, do you know what the internet has taught me more than anything else lately? People hate your children. And people hate people who dare to have children, and love them.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but since when did it become hip to hate on children?
Every time I turn around I see another article like this one: Restaurants: Take your crying kids outside. Where a restaurant (a self described "family" pizza parlor) proudly boasts that they have added this note to their menu:
“Dear all present and future patrons: GCP is proud of its reputation as a family restaurant, a title that we will work to keep. Unfortunately a number of our diners have posted unpleasant experiences because of crying and unsupervised children. To ensure that all diners have an enjoyable lunch or dinner with us we respectfully ask that parents tend to their crying tots outside.”Sarah, this isn't a 5 star, or even a 3 star, restaurant. This is a pizza parlor! I don't know about you and Dik, but there are very few places Superman and I take our 4 year olds out to eat. Fast food. And restaurants that have a minimum of 20 tvs (not because of the tvs themselves, but because we know these restaurants are loud already, so no one will notice if one of our kids starts yelling inappropriately). And pizza parlors.
Mostly we try to avoid eating out, because it is expensive, and more often more of a hassle than a relaxing dining experience, but I'll tell you why we, as parents of two 4 year olds, still dare to bring out hellions out to dine in public: #1 Sometimes you can't avoid it (for instance, when you are traveling). #2 Sometimes you are craving something (Superman likes my hot wings, but they can never compare to BWW). #3 How will they ever learn to behave in a restaurant if you never take them to one?
So, while more often than not we find ourselves eating out at whichever nearby fast food joint has an indoor playground, we do occasionally venture over to other eating establishments. At 4, overall I feel like our kids will sit and eat their dinners. But I will admit they drop things more than an adult, talk a bit louder (we are working on acceptable dining volumes), and have the occasional break down. So what does that mean? Should we ONLY eat fast food if our kid can't behave 100% like a mannered adult? (You might want to address this issue in your pledge against childhood obesity Mrs. Obama!)
Kids are freaking kids, Sarah. Sure, they are rowdier than adults. They have shorter attention spans than adults. They don't understand the point of manners and etiquette (rules made by adults) like adults do. But they aren't adults!!
Do I think some parents let their kids run around like hooligans? Of course that happens sometimes. But more often than not, I just see kids being kids. And all of this "kids should be seen and not heard" attitude about not allowing boisterous voices in the dining room of "family friendly" restaurants is really ticking me off!
But, it's not just children who are under attack. It's parents too. I recently started following a blog called STFUparents (Shut the Fuck Up) that is basically written by a childless person about how annoyed they are about the parents that use social networking tools (like Facebook) to overshare and brag about their kids. Their tagline is "You used to be fun. Now you have a baby." Some of the first blogs I saw I thought were hilarious, Mom's Gold Stars are really funny and Mommyjackings should be a public service announcement for how not to post on Facebook. But some of their deemed overshares to me are just shares. And I'm a bit offended that the insinuation is that all breeders are no longer any fun.
Here is an email I sent to the blog author. Do you agree? Disagree? Am I being too sensitive because I am one of those dirty breeders that people keep complaining about?
Just my opinion:
I recently stumbled on your site, and while over all I think it's funny, I have to say I find your definition of "over-share" way too broad. Pictures of babies crowning...overshare. Pictures of kids' poops...overshare. Telling the FB world that you are proud your baby went 24 hrs in big girl pants with no accidents or that your oldest just lost their first tooth...I don't classify that as an overshare. In fact, that is the kind of thing I like to hear about my friends' kids. Those are big accomplishments in their children's lives, and parents are dang proud of them. Are they vain? Sure, but what the hell is facebook if not a site full of people talking about themselves, as if anybody else cares? While I love most of your gold stars, I don't think the only appropriate way to post about parenting/children is to be funny or deprecating. Sometimes you just want to share something your kid did with people who care about you/them and might like to know, and you don't care or have the energy to try and be funny. For instance, I live 800 miles away from my hometown, where my parents, siblings, and all my best friends still live. The main way I keep up with my parents and my friends' kids and they keep up with mine is through posts and pictures on Facebook. I could really care less about anyone else on FB. If that guy from my 9th grade biology class doesn't care to read any posts about my kids or see pics of my kids...he should feel free to de-friend me. Period.
I recently stumbled on your site, and while over all I think it's funny, I have to say I find your definition of "over-share" way too broad. Pictures of babies crowning...overshare. Pictures of kids' poops...overshare. Telling the FB world that you are proud your baby went 24 hrs in big girl pants with no accidents or that your oldest just lost their first tooth...I don't classify that as an overshare. In fact, that is the kind of thing I like to hear about my friends' kids. Those are big accomplishments in their children's lives, and parents are dang proud of them. Are they vain? Sure, but what the hell is facebook if not a site full of people talking about themselves, as if anybody else cares? While I love most of your gold stars, I don't think the only appropriate way to post about parenting/children is to be funny or deprecating. Sometimes you just want to share something your kid did with people who care about you/them and might like to know, and you don't care or have the energy to try and be funny. For instance, I live 800 miles away from my hometown, where my parents, siblings, and all my best friends still live. The main way I keep up with my parents and my friends' kids and they keep up with mine is through posts and pictures on Facebook. I could really care less about anyone else on FB. If that guy from my 9th grade biology class doesn't care to read any posts about my kids or see pics of my kids...he should feel free to de-friend me. Period.
Mommyjacking is the worst though. I am a parent and get annoyed when people mommy-jack comments. I hope I've never done it!
And mompetition (moms telling other moms how they should do stuff, criticizing, passive aggressive comments, etc) is the most annoying. I've actually deleted a few know-it-alls because of this.
I will say this, after reading a ton of entries on your site, I went back and read over my timeline over the past few weeks. And I did breathe a sigh of relief that only about 20% of my posts reference my children. :) But I will admit that 4 years ago, when my boys were infants, I bet it was closer to 50%. What can I say, our FB pages reflect our lives and what we are thinking about, and most new parents think about their babies as often as 14 year old boys think about sex. So, please, give parents a break and don't categorize every little inane child-related post as STFU worthy. Because there are plenty of people on their friends list that WANT to hear those status updates ("I'm so proud little Bobby slept in his toddler bed all night last night") and see those pics (not of private parts or poops, but def. of kids covered in spaghetti and missing front teeth :), even if the kidless people on our lists don't really care. Heck, I don't care that that chick from grad school is eating "the best cupcake ever from the cupcake shop" or that that guy from elementary school just got a new tattoo. But, that is the stuff they apparently care about, so who am I to judge?
And P.S. my boys are 4.5 yo, so before they were born I was still on MySpace not FB, but even then when I was single and childless, I didn't mind the inane posts about the kids/parenting. The overshares will always be annoying, but just sharing wasn't.
Just my two cents!
Amber
More judgment on the deemed over-sharing by parents was evident in the recent Onion article Smug New Mom Going to Start a Blog. Just another dig.
And Sarah, don't get me started on the CBC community. That is the Childless by Choice community, if you didn't know. They have whole websites set up to complain about breeders and how our choices to multiply have affected their lives.
Don't get me wrong, I fully support a person's choice to not have kids. In fact, I'm thankful to those people for doing their part to counterbalance the mass-breeders out there having 4, 5, 6, and more kids. And truth be told, Sarah, there are plenty of parents out there that I wish had made the choice to not have kids, because once they had them, they didn't seem to want to parent or take care of them. But when the CBCs start their smear campaigns about us breeders and all of our minivans and strollers, I just want to ask them if don't they realize that if some of us didn't choose to have kids that the world would run out of people in about 100 years? Sure, I hate over population as much as the next guy, but we need some population to keep the species going, Sarah.
What do you think Sarah? Is it just me? Or do you feel like the world is unnecessarily hating our parents and our minions too?
Well Amber my dear, I have chosen not to be a part of a lot of social networking because "people are haters." Also because I don't want to hear every negative detail in everyone's life. I enjoy reading the "good stuff," and accomplishments however big or small. BUT I do not like facebookers who use fb as a forum for their bitching. If your life is really THAT bad, then do something about it and hush.
I hadn't really noticed the community of people who pride themselves on not liking children or proud parents. However, now that I'm aware I may notice it more often. However, I offer my opinion on the topic of none the less.
"I Hate Other People's Kids" is a book I was introduced to by my brother in law, BLM several years ago, and it is indeed pretty funny. I have to say that I love love love my own children, I even like them almost all of the time and I love my nieces and nephews, but apart from that, there aren't many "other people's kids" that I actually like. Matter of fact, there are probably about 10 "other people's kids" that I think are adorable, smart, funny, and all of that jazz.
My issue with people without children complaining about kids in public places is that, most often there is an adult in the restaurant acting much more annoying than my kids. ie...the man at the end of the hibachi table who thinks he's funnier than he actually is, or his date who won't stop laughing at his obnoxious behavior..or the group of young folk who've had a bit too much to drink and won't stop yapping, or the people who eat loudly, or can't hardly breath when they eat...thus, they breath loudly. So, no I will not keep my kids out of your favorite restaurant just because you are annoyed. I will not be pushed into a corner where McDonald's is my only viable option. Our little family of four eats out ONCE a month and if my 2 1/2 year old decides to throw a fit, rest assured it will be handled the best way we know how and if that doesn't work, block it out; use mental imagery and picture yourself in a more serene environment. Perhaps you could take responsibility for your own dining experience: go to dinner after 7pm, you're much less likely to have children amongst you as most of us like to have our children in bed around 8pm, eat at a bar, kids can't go to bars, go to a more expensive restaurant-those of us with kids aren't about to shell out $20 or more for an entree that our 6 year old will push around on his plate and complain about anyway...most likely your best solution is to order in...there you are guaranteed to have no children within an ear shot. : )
I do however enjoy reading/hearing about my friends' kids and their accomplishments, especially the little accomplishments because at the end of the day, those are the ones that matter. And more likely than not, my child finally mastering potty training is much more interesting and exciting than anything your childless butt will do in a year! Potty training takes persistence, patience, a little know how, some research, teamwork, a consistent routine, love, support, praise....your childless butt putting a new deck on the back of your house over the course of a weekend is not nearly the accomplishment of my sweet child mastering the potty and bladder control.
I am a firm believer that some folks just should not have kids. If a person is so self concerned about how a child will negatively change their life then you probably wouldn't be a very good parent anyway. I may be guilty of mommyjacking...but it's only because my kids are totally awesome! Just kidding, though I have been known to give unsolicited parenting advice from time to time, it's done with the best of intentions and if you don't like my advice, don't take it...I love the email you sent, my sentiments exactly.
Humility is something all of us could benefit from and teaching our children that the world does not revolve around them includes giving them experiences in public places, like restaurants, air planes, the movie theatre, or even the playground. I'm not sorry for sometimes over praising my children, it's how I get them to try new things. I promise to teach my children manners and will reinforce with them that having good manners will get them farther in life than they'd ever imagined. My hubby and I also promise to raise our children to be accommodating, accepting, and to value different types of families as well as people who don't have kids, but only if your childless butt will be kind to my child when they say hello to you from the booth behind you and maybe make a silly face or two at them...make them giggle, they're much more enjoyable when they giggle.
More judgment on the deemed over-sharing by parents was evident in the recent Onion article Smug New Mom Going to Start a Blog. Just another dig.
And Sarah, don't get me started on the CBC community. That is the Childless by Choice community, if you didn't know. They have whole websites set up to complain about breeders and how our choices to multiply have affected their lives.
What do you think Sarah? Is it just me? Or do you feel like the world is unnecessarily hating our parents and our minions too?
Well Amber my dear, I have chosen not to be a part of a lot of social networking because "people are haters." Also because I don't want to hear every negative detail in everyone's life. I enjoy reading the "good stuff," and accomplishments however big or small. BUT I do not like facebookers who use fb as a forum for their bitching. If your life is really THAT bad, then do something about it and hush.
I hadn't really noticed the community of people who pride themselves on not liking children or proud parents. However, now that I'm aware I may notice it more often. However, I offer my opinion on the topic of none the less.
"I Hate Other People's Kids" is a book I was introduced to by my brother in law, BLM several years ago, and it is indeed pretty funny. I have to say that I love love love my own children, I even like them almost all of the time and I love my nieces and nephews, but apart from that, there aren't many "other people's kids" that I actually like. Matter of fact, there are probably about 10 "other people's kids" that I think are adorable, smart, funny, and all of that jazz.
My issue with people without children complaining about kids in public places is that, most often there is an adult in the restaurant acting much more annoying than my kids. ie...the man at the end of the hibachi table who thinks he's funnier than he actually is, or his date who won't stop laughing at his obnoxious behavior..or the group of young folk who've had a bit too much to drink and won't stop yapping, or the people who eat loudly, or can't hardly breath when they eat...thus, they breath loudly. So, no I will not keep my kids out of your favorite restaurant just because you are annoyed. I will not be pushed into a corner where McDonald's is my only viable option. Our little family of four eats out ONCE a month and if my 2 1/2 year old decides to throw a fit, rest assured it will be handled the best way we know how and if that doesn't work, block it out; use mental imagery and picture yourself in a more serene environment. Perhaps you could take responsibility for your own dining experience: go to dinner after 7pm, you're much less likely to have children amongst you as most of us like to have our children in bed around 8pm, eat at a bar, kids can't go to bars, go to a more expensive restaurant-those of us with kids aren't about to shell out $20 or more for an entree that our 6 year old will push around on his plate and complain about anyway...most likely your best solution is to order in...there you are guaranteed to have no children within an ear shot. : )
I do however enjoy reading/hearing about my friends' kids and their accomplishments, especially the little accomplishments because at the end of the day, those are the ones that matter. And more likely than not, my child finally mastering potty training is much more interesting and exciting than anything your childless butt will do in a year! Potty training takes persistence, patience, a little know how, some research, teamwork, a consistent routine, love, support, praise....your childless butt putting a new deck on the back of your house over the course of a weekend is not nearly the accomplishment of my sweet child mastering the potty and bladder control.
I am a firm believer that some folks just should not have kids. If a person is so self concerned about how a child will negatively change their life then you probably wouldn't be a very good parent anyway. I may be guilty of mommyjacking...but it's only because my kids are totally awesome! Just kidding, though I have been known to give unsolicited parenting advice from time to time, it's done with the best of intentions and if you don't like my advice, don't take it...I love the email you sent, my sentiments exactly.
Humility is something all of us could benefit from and teaching our children that the world does not revolve around them includes giving them experiences in public places, like restaurants, air planes, the movie theatre, or even the playground. I'm not sorry for sometimes over praising my children, it's how I get them to try new things. I promise to teach my children manners and will reinforce with them that having good manners will get them farther in life than they'd ever imagined. My hubby and I also promise to raise our children to be accommodating, accepting, and to value different types of families as well as people who don't have kids, but only if your childless butt will be kind to my child when they say hello to you from the booth behind you and maybe make a silly face or two at them...make them giggle, they're much more enjoyable when they giggle.
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