Mustache

Dear Amber,

It's been one heck of a week at our house.  Spring Break has allowed for a great deal more family time.  As I picked BTM up from Spring Break camp at the Rec Center, he sat down in his seat and proclaimed, "I don't like freckles!"  I was taken aback by this statement.  Clearly, I am a fair skinned, red headed chick with plenty of freckles to go around.  My response to BTM "But Mommy has lots of freckles."  BTM took a moment, sighed and then stated "I know, but I can see your mustache too."  I laughed so hard, I was brought to tears.  I didn't know how to respond.  BTM then added "sometimes the sunlight hits it just right and I can see your stache." 

Is this how he sees my mustache?

The honesty of youth is often discouraged and filtered in an effort to better "socialize" our children.  To keep them from hurting other people's feelings.  I chose not to scold BTM for his candid talk.  Rather, Dik and I decided to let it be, "it is what it is."  At this point I don't think that we need to tell BTM not to say things like that to strangers.  I think that it's because of our closeness that BTM felt comfortable enough to tell me.  If BTM believes he is close enough with another to have these types of candid conversations then it shouldn't be a problem.

So, Amber.  Should we have corrected BTM?  What would Amber do?

Dear Sarah,

First of all, why doesn't BTM love his freckles?  I LOVE mine.  My grandma used to tell me that they were the footprints of fairies that danced on my face while I was sleeping.

Funnily enough, that never creeped me out.

I'm actually a bit sad that neither Thing 1 or Thing 2 has freckles yet.  But then I remember that their time is coming...Superman and I both have freckles, so unless they were switched at birth with another set of identical twins, I'm pretty sure they'll have plenty soon enough.

As far as correcting BTM.  I'm with you.  I tend not to correct my boys for making observations.  For instance, when they say I have a big belly.  Or say that that person is in a wheel chair.  Or that person is wearing a hijab.  Instead of saying "oh honey, you shouldn't say that", I just try and say a fact about what they said.  "Yes, mommy's belly is big because she ate too much and didn't run around and play enough to keep it small."  "Yes, that person is in a wheel chair probably because their legs hurt too much to walk."  "Yes, some people wear scarves on their head as part of their religion."

To me, as long as the boys are just pointing things out things they have observed, it is just natural curiosity, and I choose not to discourage that.  Because I don't think it's our differences that are bad, I think it's our inability to accept other people's differences.

Now, if the boys get to a point where they are saying it negatively, or being mean, or name-calling, than different conversations need to be had.  For instance, if he had taunted "You have a mustache." (You know that tone..."You have a mustache...nah-nah-na-nah-na")  Then I think we would have had a discussion about calling names and hurting people's feelings.

But the way he said it, I would have laughed like you. And then gone home and shaved my 'stache.

Dear Amber,

I will defiantly say "I don't have a mustache!!"  I have tiny blonde hairs that highlight my lucious lips. ; )