Lotto-Mania!!

Dear Amber,

The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $500 Million Dollars!  Holy shit, that's a lotta money!!

Will you play?

I must admit, I'm incredibly tempted.  We've played from time to time in the past, but not with any sort of regularity.  $500 million may just be a # that most Americans can believe in and bet on!  I believe that scratch off lottery tickets can be a source of entertainment and fun, but most of the time it gets out of hand and folks end up spending far too much money and not winning enough to even cover what they've spent...which is unfortunate.  What about lotto as a means to fund education as most states now claim?  I keep hearing how our Virginia lotto funds education, but in the same breath I hear how our State Education Budget is being cut?  Huh?  Are we not playing the lotto enough?  Would more people buying lotto tickets actually have an impact on the education budget? --doubt it.

I just may buy a ticket for the $500 million.

Dear Sarah,

I have no idea how the lottery works.  And I know my chances are higher to get struck by lightening, hit by a mack truck, or have identical quadruplets than winning.  But you'd better bet your ass that I bought tickets!

In fact, my sister (and her sons), my parents, my brother, and I all bought 10 tickets each.  And we will split the earnings equally if any of us wins!

The first thing I'd do if I won: pay off my student loans.  Then, I'd sit down with a finanical planner.  I'd like to think that I'd be very generous and charitable with my winnings.  I couldn't see us buying a mansion or a private jet, when I know how many people are struggling with their day to day lives.  I'd like to use my winnings to help others in a substantial way.

One extravagant thing I would do: adopt.  I feel this aching in my heart for a daughter, but realistically I know that financially a third child is just not in the cards for us.  But with that kind of money, we could surely afford to adopt a little girl!

Good luck!

 Dear Amber,


Not only did I buy a ticket, so did my hubby.  Then I was graciously invited to participate in a group pool at work, 20 of us each put in $5!  That would be cool, awesome in fact.  I don't know I'd do with all that money, but I can tell ya that I'd never HAVE to work again.  Though I'd have fun raising my kids and volunteer.  Spending my time volunteering would be a blessing.  Maybe we'd do some trail maintenance in local and national parks, or volunteer as advocates for the Citizens Committee to Protect the Elderly.  I can tell ya now, the one thing we wouldn't do is have any more babies, we wouldn't adopt any either.  I love BTM and MLM, but they're all I can handle.   I think we would buy farm land and build a self sustaining farm that would last many generations....ahhh...that's a dream.


I agree with you, no mansion, no private jet, no caviar, no "bling", maybe a BMW though :)


Lots of luck!

Sarah,

How'd you do?  I won $7.  I spent $10, so that left me $3 in the hole.

P.S. Weekends like this weekend reminded me why we don't have a third child.  Yes, I agree with you completely that two is all I can handle!  And I barely handle that!

 

Color Blind?

Dear Sarah,
I, by nature, have a mental block about hype.  So if there is a majorly hyped book or movie, I usually have difficulty bringing myself to read/see it.

Up until yesterday, I knew little about Hunger Games.  All I knew was that it seemed like the new Twilight (poorly written soft-core teenage romance novels).  But then my facebook feed was filled with articles about the hoopla regarding some of the movie's casting.  Namely, it seems some fans are upset that certain characters were played by black actors:

Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed
I See White People: Hunger Games and a Brief History of Cultural Whitewashing

The second article there links to another article, explaining how in June 2010 people went ballistic when someone suggested Donald Glover (known best for his role as Troy on Community) be auditioned for the next Spider Man: Donald Glover for Spider-Man: The evolution of a meme.

Of course people went crazy, because everyone knows Spiderman isn't black!  That isn't possible. You have to stay true to the source material.  Blah blah blah.

This whole issue got me thinking back to 1997.  In 1997, the Wonderful World of Disney produced a made for tv version of Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella.  (On a side note: I was personally super excited for this because I'd been in a production of R&H Cinderella the year before.)  But I won't lie, I was very confused when the casting was announced.

Cinderella was to be played by black R&B artist Brandy.
The wicked stepmother to be played by white Broadway legend Bernadette Peters.
The tall skinny wicked stepsisters was played by a white actress and the short stout one was played by a black actress.
Prince Charming was played by Paolo Montalban, a Phillipino actor.  And his parents, the queen and king, were played by Whoopi Goldberg (black) and Victor Garber (white).
And Cinderella's Fairy Godmother was played by the late Whitney Houston (black).

As someone who gets upset when casting kids that don't look like parents, flash back kid characters who have different eye color than the grown up characters they are supposed to be, I was having a bit of trouble reconciling the United Benetton of Colors cast they had going on.

Sure, it's not a problem for Brandy's step mother to be a different race, they aren't related by blood.  And it's not impossible for Bernadette Peters to have one white child and one mixed race child (no one ever said the baby-daddies of her two children were the same guy...Cinderella's dad could have easily been the third husband).  But ain't no way Whoopi Goldberg and Victor Garber could have laid down and come out with a little Phillipino baby!

And there was definitely some of the "but Cinderella is white" going on in my head too...I won't pretend to be perfect. But in the end, I loved this movie.  I thought it was too cute.  Sure, the acting was corny (it is a Disney produced made for tv movie after all), but the sets and costumes were gorgeous and the music was awesome.  Hello! Whitney Houston! Benadette Peters!  Brandy! Jason Alexander. Whoopi Goldberg.  These were actors hired for their musical talents, not their ability to look like their fake-relatives or cartoon character.

I think the whole "that just isn't possible" problem I had bugged me for about 10 minutes.  Then I got over and just enjoyed the movie.

But here is the real point of my post, Sarah.  I cannot believe that it is 15 years later, and this is still such a big deal!  Haven't we made ANY progress in 15 years?  Who cares if Rue was described as white in the book.  Does it really matter that she is black in the movie?  Did it make one iota of difference?  It shouldn't have.

And for that matter... Why not a black Spiderman?  Why not an Asian Superman?  Or an Indian James Bond?  That's impossible! Right?

But I'd like to leave you with a quote from Cinderella's fairy godmother (whatever color she may be):
Impossible, for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage.
Impossible, for a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage,
And four white mice will never be four white horses!
Such fol-der-ol and fid-dle-dy dee of course, is--- Impossible!
But the world is full of zanies and fools
Who don't believe in sensible rules
And won't believe what sensible people say.
And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes,
Impossible things are happening every day!



P.S. I have in the process learned that Hunger Games is a post-apocalyptic/dystopia type story (a la Brave New Work, 1984, Handmaid's Tale, etc) which is a genre I really enjoy, so I have decided to suppress my hype-snobbery and read it.  See, anything is possible!

Dear Amber,

First allow me to say "Shame on you!" for not reading the Twilight Series!!  I am appalled, but more on that later.

I don't know why anyone who read "Hunger Games" is surprised that Rue is black.  I just finished reading the book on Sunday and from reading it, I assumed that she was.  I believe Rue is described as "dark skinned with big brown eyes."  How anyone could interpret that as anything but a black person? 

"Hunger Games" was a great book, though not as good as Twilight (IMHO).

Your description: (poorly written soft-core teenage romance novels) is disappointing.  Have you read them?  I love them!!  They are a delicious read.  I have to say the movies are not as good as the books, but that is to be expected. 

Whatever happened to creative freedom?    The movie crew and screen play writers can do as they please while they're interpreting the book.  We all do, how many times have you read a book and not developed a mental picture of the characters?  I've never been able to do that.  What a silly thing to be worked up about anyway.

Dear Sarah,

Re: Twilight.  I have not read them and do not plan to.  I have to admit that I'm kind of a book snob.  I typically stick to literature (classic or modern) or non-fiction.  I never read the Harry Potter books either.  Maybe I will one day if my kids get into them.

I did read a Janet Evanovich once.  I was on bedrest and desperate.  And I read plenty of VC Andrews novels back in junior high school.  ;)

 Dear Amber,

What a shame?!  Geek!

Sarah

Reincarnation

Dear Amber,

What are your thoughts on reincarnation? 

 Reincarnation is defined as:

the belief that the soul, upon death of the body, comes back to earth in another body or form.

I know that reincarnation is not a part of our Christian society.  I have a strong feeling though and I have a hankering to believe in reincarnation.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Dear Sarah,

 

People are always surprised when they find out that I regularly attend and am a member of a Christian church, but I do not believe in heaven or hell.  "What do you believe in then?"

 

I believe in the law of physics which states that: energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be converted from one form to another.

 

So what does that have to do with reincarnation?  Well, it means that while I don't think that when I die I will come back as a puppy or a grasshopper or the next Britney Spears, I do think that my energy will return to the earth.  I just don't know what form that will take.

My favorite depiction of afterlife, the one I am most inclined to hope is true, is the one depicted by award winning author Sheri Reynolds in her novel A Gracious Plenty.  If you have not read this book yet, I highly suggest it.  In the book, Reynolds depicts the dead as the ones who control nature.  Some push the clouds through the sky, some peel the skins off the snakes, and children pull the grass from the ground and blow the dandelions across the field.

To me, that is the real meaning of "we therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in sure and certain hope of resurrection to eternal life".  I feel our energy came from the universe and when we die, so it shall return.

 

Food stamps and Cigarettes

Dear Sarah,

I generally describe myself as a bleeding heart liberal.  But I'm sure by now your have surmised that I definitely have some unusual views that don't exactly coincide with traditional liberal views (for instance my views on child support for intentional single moms and student loan forgivness).

Here is another one for you....

I am a big believer in welfare programs.

I volunteer every Tuesday night at a homeless shelter and see first hand how extremely destitute some people in this country are.  Many of our "guests" are addicts and/or have mental, emotional, or physical disabilities.  But some of our guests are simply down on their luck.

I've been lucky in my life.  I was born into a working class family.  Neither of my parents had college educations, but my dad was in the navy and my mom worked civil service.  We didn't wear name brand clothes or eat fancy foods.  But there was always clean clothes, a roof over our head, and food in our bellies. Living on tight budgets as a kid didn't hurt me, it taught me to work hard for what I have and be grateful for what I got.

And as an adult, my husband and I aren't upperclass by American standards by any means, but compared to many people in this world, we might as well be millionaires with all of the everyday luxuries we take for granted.

But I am a big supporter of welfare programs because of the what-ifs.  What if I had not been so lucky in life? What if I had born to a single mother with no education? What if I lost my job tomorrow and Superman died in a fiery car crash next week?

Fortunately, I have never been on any kind of welfare. Neither have my parents. But that doesn't mean I am immune. I feel it just means so far I have been very lucky.  I believe anyone, ANYONE can fall on hard times. All it takes is a few strokes of bad luck, and I think anyone could find themselves needing help.

Overall, I feel the US Welfare system was invented to help people who have fallen on hard times get back on their feet.  Yes, I believe in picking yourself up by the bootstraps, but some people don't even have on any boots!  And that it in societie's best interest to help our neighbors through their tough times.

Okay, so now that I've established that I'm not anti-welfare, can I tell you what really ticks me off?  People who play and or abuse the system.

For instance, when I see a family of 9, yes 2 parents and 7 kids using food stamps, I think "Why in the world did you have 7 freaking kids if you couldn't afford to feed them?"  We have two kids.  Two.  Because that is all we can comfortable afford on our teachers' salaries.

Or when I see people chain smoking and I know they are on WIC.  Uh, excuse me.  How much is a carton of cigarettes these days?  You can't afford milk or diapers for your baby, but you can afford those?

Or when I see the woman in line ahead of me paying for her groceries with food stamps while playing on her iPhone.  Meanwhile I have my old Motorola Razr in my pocket, because even on our two teachers' salaries we can't really afford expensive data plans. I can afford groceries but not a data plan.  She can afford a data plan but not groceries.  Doesn't make sense to me.

Overall, I am still a supporter of welfare system because I still believe that the MAJORITY of people who use the programs do not abuse them.  But when I see things like these, I get why my conservative friends refer to welfare programs as entitlement programs.  Because it sure does seem like they feel entitled to having someone pay their way for the important stuff so that they can throw their money away frivously on the other stuff.

Dear Amber,

This one's a toughy for me.  When our world collapsed we needed food stamps and our children had Medicaid coverage.  After a year, some luck, and a totally supportive family, we rebuilt our lives.  At that time I called our case manager and informed her we no longer needed the benefits.  Could we have used the benefits longer?  Probably.  Mostly because the cost of health insurance is outrageous!  I have to say though, neither of us smoke, we had "pay as you go" phones, we lived with my parents, I most certainly did not spend a ton of money at hair or nail salons, we didn't go out drinking, to say we were broke would be an understatement.  But we were able to turn our lives around. 

Clearly we cannot controls each other's spending.  The issue I take with food stamps is that there are no restrictions on the type of food that can be purchased.  You can buy candy, chips, surgary cereals...anything edible.  I say, if you're being fed by the tax payers you should eat healthfully and mindfully.  If you want to have junk food, pay for it yourself.  Also, if someone is receiving food stamps, why not teach them how to grow their own food?  Some of the food costs can be offset by having a small garden.

Just an FYI, the more kids a couple has, the more $ they receive in TANF and food stamps.  Also, in some states although there is legislation as to the length of time one can receive benefits...there is loophole, a GIANT loophole.  If you have a child under the age of 5 you do not have to GET A JOB!  Don't even have to participate in the job training programs.  So, some scum simply keep making babies.  As a Social Worker, I once had a family who received more than $1200 a month in food stamps!  Damn, we'd be eating real good with that kind of money!  Individual responsibility is a stretch,  most Americans already suffering from sincere apathy.  The Government cannot and should not have a say in the # of children we have, nor can they control whether or not someone uses contraception.  Clearly the Welfare Reform continues to be a necessity.

P.S. Everyone should quit smoking anyway, it's a nasty habit and it will eventually cause death if you do it long enough. 

Convince me...

Dear Sarah,

Okay, so I know you support the Student Loan Forgiveness Act.

I gotta be honest.  I don't.

Let me be clear.  I have over 50K left in student loans for my 4 years of undergraduate tuition and 3 years of graduate tuition.  I pay almost $300 a month in student loans, and I have been for five years now.  And I will for the next 30 years if I keep making the minimum payments each month.  My husband and I both work in education.  We could personally use to have my 50K forgiven.  But I don't think I, or anyone else, deserves it.

Here is why:  The money is spent.  Books were bought. Professors were paid.  This isn't about whether or not colleges charge to much money (I think they do, but then again I think most instructors are underpaid, so where is that money going?), this is about whether I made the decision to take on this debt when I went to school.  And I did.  I OWE this money.  It's too late for me to say "I didn't know better."  Regardless of how much I regret some of my decisions (like not going into the military and using the GI Bill instead, or getting my first two years of gen. ed. requirements out of the way at a community college, or not going out of state for graduate school), I made them.  I was over 18.  I was a consenting adult.  Ultimately, no one is responsible for those decisions but me.

Even if I agreed to give back my diplomas in trade for the 50K, I can't give back the knowledge or the experience.  I can't give back what I have gained by my college experience.  There is no repossessing my brain.

Also, I think of people I know who didn't go to college, and cite lack of funding as their reason.  Is it fair to them?  Just like it wasn't fair (in my opinion) to bail out people who irresponsibly bought big beautiful mansions they couldn't afford on middle class salaries while my husband and I sat in our two bedroom rental because we were responsible with our money, I don't think it's fair to those people who chose not to take on thousands of dollars of debt and have been making their living off of high school diplomas only.  Yes, I pay a brand new car payment every month in student loan payments, but I also tend to have a higher income than most of my high-school-education-only friends.  (Although, not all of them.  In fact, some of my "wealthiest" friends only have high school degrees.  But that is not is not the point of this blog...)

When I see someone post a status on FB like:

I think "Uh, how about DON'T GO OUT OF STATE!"  It blows my mind that even with the current crisis, there are people KNOWINGLY taking on more than they can comfortable pay back on the hope and prayer that someone else will bail them out.

Let me share some advice with you...  nobody freaking cares where you went to college.  I made a HUGE mistake of going out of state!  I wish 32 year old Amber could go back and slap 22 year old Amber and say "Dude, VA schools are just as good, and much cheaper than going to that Midwest school.  No one is impressed but your dad."  The only thing that I don't regret about going out of state was that I met Superman while in grad school out here. Without that 50K, I probably wouldn't have him or Thing 1 and Thing 2.  That I would never change.

What I do wish would change...I wish college students received better financial counseling.  I wish someone gave me a more realistic view of the money I'd be making once I graduated.  And a more realistic view of what 30-something year old Amber's budget might look like with a mortgage, a car payment, and two kids PLUS a student loan payment.  To 18 year old Amber making 9K a year waiting tables and living with her parents (and gas only .89/gallon), my current salary sounded like a shit-ton of money.  OF COURSE I didn't think my student loan payment would be a big deal.  But in the end, I went to college.  I got my degrees.  And now I have to man-up and pay the piper.  It sucks, but that is life.

But again, as someone who pays nearly $3600 a year in student loan payments, I am eager to see if there is something you can say about the subject to in anyway change my mind.  Because I'd be more than happy to be rid of this debt now!

Why

Because our country bails out all kinds of businesses and industries--why not help us out?

This bill still requires payments, on time for ten full years before the forgiveness.  I think if you've paid on your debt for ten long years you ought to have this debt forgiven.  It's not like I bought clothes or beer with this student loan money. I bought an education.  I served in the Military, guess what?  The GI Bill covered only a portion of my education...that's it.  If going to war for your country and it's freedom doesn't qualify you to have your educational debt forgiven, I don't know what would.

At the very least, one should be able to have their student loan debt discharged in bankruptcy. Hell, you can have gambling debt discharged under bankruptcy. 

The forgiveness comes with a cap, around $45,000 and it's a one time thing. 

Here's one argument

The government can spend more money on education to help US citizens and pay for it by spending less on military programs that help foreigners and Hansen Clarke's bill allows Congress the means to do just that.

and another

Public schools like High Schools are subsidized by your fellow citizens via property taxes. Why should higher education be any different?--If you've got the grades, you should get continued education.

Higher Education is Important to the future of America.

The student loan forgiveness acts as an immediate economic stimulus.

How about a program like AmeriCorps, where college graduates volunteer; say 52 hours a year for ten years to pay down their federal student loans?  Sounds like a win/win to me, the community gets more volunteers, the volunteers have a sense of purpose and belonging, the community can work together to fulfill two needs: reducing the debt of individuals along with sprucing up our communities??

Dear Sarah,

I should read more about the forgiveness program being proposed.  I was unaware of some of the stipulations you mentioned.

Actually, there is already a program kind of similar to this called the College Cost Reduction and Access Act of 2007.  Did you know about this?  Any public servant (public school teachers, fed & state workers, etc) that makes 120 consecutive payments will automatically have the balance of their loan forgiven (basically 10 years of payments).  How do I know this?  Because I tried to enroll in it.  I used to teach public school and now I work for a state college, so I figured I was exactly who this bill was for...  But I soon realized this income-based repayment bill was not all it was cracked up to be.

When I tried to enroll in the program, I was working full time at a state university, and my husband was a part-time substitute teacher (as he was transitioning returning to work after being a stay-at-home dad).  It turns out that to enroll in the program, they base your payments on your income...10% of your gross annual family income.  So my $275/month payment was going to almost double to about $475/month.

First of all, uh $475 a month?!?!

Second of all, I did the math and $475/month x 120 payments = 57K!!  So I wasn't really saving anything!!  All I was doing was making double the payments to pay my loan off faster (I only pay 3.5%).  Hell, I don't need to enroll in any program for that.  If I could afford to make double payments, I'd be making double payments already.

Now that Layne is back to work full time, I shudder to think of what our new payment would be...around $675 a month.  Heck, I could have my loans paid off in about 6 years making those payments.

I do like the idea of the AmeriCorp program trading volunteer hours for paying down loans.  I wasn't aware of this, but would be interested in learning more.  Because heck, I currently volunteer 2 hours a week for free at the local homeless shelter.

But I am curious what you thought about my point regarding the unfairness of forgiving loans of college educated people when there are lots of people out there who would have gone to college if they could have afforded it, but chose not to take on the mountains of debt.  Do you not think forgiving our debts is unfair to them?  They are tax payers too.

Dear Amber,

Of course it's unfair to forgive our student loan debt to those who didn't attend college because they couldn't afford it.  But my opinion is that life is not fair and sometimes you come out the side of favor and sometimes you don't--that is life, suck it up.  There are lots of things that we taxpayers pay for that I don't like, but I try not to complain, you never know where someone else's journey has led them and most of the time it's not my job to have an opinion on the matter, just to support folks who need the support.

Dear Amber,

Instead of saying "why" relieve student loan debt, I think of it as "why the hell not?" 

Wrinkle

Dear Amber,

Anti wrinkle cream or no anti wrinkle cream?  As I settle into my 30's, my forehead wrinkles are beginning to bother me.  Botox would probably be the most effective situation, but nah, I'm not into injecting foreign matter into my body.  Someone suggested to me that I could cut bangs to hide the forehead wrinkles, but my face is too round for bangs and I end up looking like the head of a penis.  In the face of looking like the head of a penis----I'll stick with my forehead wrinkles...after all, I've earned them.  However, if you know of a wrinkle cream or other cosmetic solution to the crevasses that decorate my face, please share.

   

Dear Sarah,

Are you freaking kidding me?!  I just saw you last week and you are gorgeous!  You DEFINITELY DO NOT NEED BOTOX!

I am personally opposed to cosmetic surgery.  At least for vanity.  Fixing a cleft palate, okay.  Boob job after a mastectomy, I can get on board with that.  Getting a face lift because you are 50 and want to look 25...you don't need a plastic surgeon, you need a psychiatrist.

Let me ask you something, what bothers you about your wrinkles?  They are a sign you are getting older.  What is wrong with that?

You want to look 16 again?  Do you remember 16?  It wasn't that great.  Drama, insecurity, high school.  Bleh!

Now you are 30-something.   You have a degree.  You have a job you love.  You are married.  You have two fabulous kids.  Life is good.

And along the way to this life, you have EARNED these wrinkles.  You have earned them during those late nights back in college.  While nursing your babies late at night.  While worrying as you clasp a friend-in-need's hand.  Would you ever trade those?

And sure, you've earned some from on the job stress and the bump in the roads we all have, but those are the thunderstorms to our rainbows, so to trade those would mean sacrificing those good moments too.

I have another reason I despise plastic surgery...  Over the last five years, I have personally experienced the death of five thirty-something friends/acquaintances.  All were unexpected.  All left behind mourning friends, family, and/or young children.  And I'm sure all of them would gladly take on 100 extra wrinkles to have one more day on earth with their loved ones.  Time has stopped for them.  They will not grow old.  They do not get that privilege: the luxury of graying hair, sagging body parts, and wrinkles.  Because yes, these signs of aging are signs that we are moving towards the end of our lives, but they are also signs that we are still alive.  We are living!  And I choose to appreciate every day I have on earth.

I hope to go to my grave covered in a full head of gray hair, a wrinkled body, and ta-tas that sag to my waist.

RIP my friend. Taken way too early.  I grow old for you.

Dear Amber,

Nope, not afraid of growing old.  In fact, I'm enamered with old age.  However, I don't like my forehead wrinkles.  I have a strange affection for my stretch marks though. I think of them as "war wounds." I know exactly how I got each and every one of them.  But the forehead wrinkles bother me and they're likely to only get worse with age.  Still not gonna consider any sort of cosmetic surgery or anything, that's just a big ol' waste of money to me.  I will however, continue to look for a fabulous, forehead-wrinkle remover cream!

Mother Nature

Dear Sarah,

On our road trip to Virginia Beach last week, we drove through Henryville, IN.

Just a few weeks ago, on March 2, tornadoes ripped through the Midwest.  Henryville, IN was just one of the many towns affected by this.

Sarah, I have never seen anything like it.  You see the pictures on TV and in the newspaper, but nothing compares to seeing this kind of devastation in real life.

Dear Amber,

In my life I've been fortunate enough to not see such devastation. Living in Virginia Beach you have hurricanes, and yes my parents had to replace roofing shingles on more than one occasion, but I've seen nothing to this scale.  As an AmeriCorps member, I saw devastation in the form of poverty, specifically in Appalachia, but I've not seen the workings of Mother Nature's destructive side.  Perhaps I am lucky...been practically living in a bubble.

My heart goes out to the families and communities that have been interrupted....... no devoured by natural disasters like those of the recent tornadoes.

To Disney or not to Disney--Our First Guest Blogger!!!

Our First Guest Blogger--Yay!  With Amber on vacation this week, I thought it a good opportunity to have a guest blogger. 

This post is brought to you by my friend, Amy.  I first met Amy while Dik and I were living in Seattle, WA.  However, Dik's relationship with Amy and her husband Ian goes all the way back to Elementary School--small world eh?    Turns out we both had a lot in common:

1. We worked in Long Term Care with elders.  Amy an Occupational Therapist (OT) and me a Social Worker.
2. We love these two crazy men from Brookville, PA who were equally in a "bromance" with one another.
3. We love the North West. 
4. Amy and I share a lot of the same values and beliefs, rarely do we not see eye to eye on a topic.
5. We love each other's kids, Amy's kids are my Hetrick babes.
6. We love the outdoors and camping.
7. We understand the value of family and both come from big families.
8. I like Amy, she's a good listener and good to converse with on the phone (though it has been a long time).
9. We learned that we both like to play cards, especially "Hand & Foot" whenever we get together.
10. I can't think of a #10, but Amy if you've got one let me know.--Amy's #10 Our oldests are "officially" married.  In a ceremony I will never forgot on your GA front porch. :)

Dear Sarah,

So how about your opinion on this debate.

Many of my friends go, yearly, on lavish vacations.  Regardless of their finances, these trips are budgeted in.
And the reason they are is because of the "FAMILY FIRST" mentality.  Meaning you spend money on what is important to you, and family time should top that list.
My husband is on board with this mindset.  He thinks it is totally valid to spend upwards of thousands on a family vacation, simply because we haven't been on a real vacation.  In a long time.
I cannot tell my frugal heart to shut up and go along with it.

For many reasons:

1.  I don't think we need big and expensive, to create meaningful and fun.
2.  I think it sends an irresponsible message to the kids.  Spend money on something you WANT to do...even if your current finances don't support it.
3.  I would rather go on bigger trips later in life when the kids can enjoy them.
4.  I also don't really like the ONE WEEK a year mentality for family time.  I would rather do smaller trips more often. 

Thoughts?  Am I being cheap or responsible?

And P.S.  It wouldn't be Disneyland. 
No desire to go there.

Amy

Dear Amy,

I admire your frugality.  Frugality does not come naturally for me, it is forced, at best.  My love of doing things closest to nature, like gardening and canning are often seen as frugal but for me, I just think it's the only way to do things.  However, I do agree that a yearly vacation is a wee bit fiscally irresponsible for most of us. 

Dik and I didn't go on a honeymoon, I was 7 months pregnant when we married and we lived in downtown Seattle, it was expensive just to live, let alone vacation.  We took our first BIG family vacation when we spent a week at Ace Adventure Resort in WV last summer.  It cost us about $2300 for our family of four.  We saved $ by renting a cabin with a kitchen and cooking almost all of our meals, tickets to the lake and water park attractions was included in the cabin rental, we drove there so travel was affordable.  Bryce asks routinely, "When will we get to zipline again?" He remembers this vacation with great joy and that makes me one happy mama!  Would I love to do that every year..yes, but it's not in the budget this year for several reasons.  It's not in our time budget; with Dik in school full time he doesn't have a whole week off at the same time BTM does.  It's also not in our financial budget because our two goals this year are to pay off my car and build our savings account.  No where in our goals could we find room for a vacation.  :(

I've tried on several occasions to convince Dik to plan for a trip to Disney.  Every time it comes down to it, I just can't write that check.  I think $5,000----I could pay off my car, or our savings account could use a boost or heck, Dik could use that for a couple of root canals.  

I do like small 3 day weekend trips to, but I tend to turn those into more expensive vacations than they need to be.  Unless we go to Washington, D.C. or something.  D.C. is my very favorite place to visit and it's great for kids because there's a lot to do; all the museums are free and if the weather's nice you can paddle the canal or bike along The Mall, or walk from memorial to memorial.  Come to think of it, we haven't seen the new MLK Memorial, we'll have to plan a trip! :)

I love to "get away."  I am plagued with the idea of making our childrens' summers memorable.  I remember lazy summers; for some reason I don't want BTM and MLM to remember them that way.  I want them to remember summer as a time for camps where you make new friends and learn all kinds of new stuff, a time for family vacations (ROAD TRIP), BBQs, family reunions, lots of swimming at the beach and building sand castles.  I have trouble with "idle time." Always have, I think it may be genetic, just ask my Mimi.  (Amy, you met her, she buzzes around like a freakin' bee all the time!)    

I think you are being cheap AND responsible.  If you can budget for a big family vacation every year, go for it.  If you can't then don't.  It is completely irresponsible to plan a vacation just because "everyone else's family is doing it."  I think my Hetrick Babes get plenty of family time and would enjoy much more a 3 or 4 day weekend camping with their cousins OR visiting their McBride counterparts (who live near the beach by the way:), catching frogs, making hot dogs and s'mores, building forts, baking cookies, picking berries and playing make believe then they would going to Disney anyway.  

Dear Amy and Sarah,

First of all, thank you Amy for being our guest blogger while I was on vacation.

This is a great topic, considering we just got back from a family vacation!

I do think vacations are important...if you can afford them.  They are a luxury in life, not a right or obligation.  If you are struggling to pay your bills month to month, you should not take a vacation. Period.  If you have paid days off, try taking a stay-cation.  I've done them...they are nice.  Restful.  And CHEAP!

We are very lucky, because most years we are able to go to a beach for vacation.  I live in the Midwest now, but I grew up on the east coast.  My parents still live in Virginia Beach where I spent most of my childhood and my sister lives in a small coastal town in SE Georgia.  So we typically have those two options for a summer getaway that includes free lodging.  But even so, we do not get to vacation every summer, here are my rules about planning vacations:

1.  If you really want to take a vacation, save up for one and then take one within your budget.

For instance, in July 2009 we met my family for an extended weekend at Ace Adventure Resorts (Holla Sarah!  Don't you just love that place?!). We made our cabin reservations in August 2008 with a small down payment and then put away $50 a month over the next year to save for the balance of our share of the cabin (we were splitting one of the big cabins with two other families) and the rest of the activities (Superman did the zipline, white water rafting, mud obstacle course, etc, while I hung out at the lake with the boys).  Once the trip came, we had saved up $600, so all we had left to pay for was gas and groceries.  We were able to sock away $50 a month to save for the vacation.  Otherwise we would not have gone. 

2. Cancel a vacation if needed.

Last summer we were planning on a week long vacation in Virginia Beach, it's not an incredibly expensive trip; we don't have to pay for lodging, just gas, meals out, and any activities we want to do. But in early June, our HVAC unit at our house died.  Ugh!  Luckily we had a 12 month 0% interest credit card with a high credit line to pay for the new unit.  However, this meant that all of our extra income would need to go to paying off that credit card, so our yearly summer trip to the beach was cancelled.  It was hard for me to cancel that trip, since I really wanted to visit my friends and family, and technically we did have the money and we had a whole year to pay off that card.  But there was no way we were going on even an inexpensive vacation.  Instead we did a stay-cation, and put the money we saved directly towards paying down the credit card.  Because of this, my kids went from December 2010 to November 2011 without seeing my parents.  It was a tough decision, but if you can't afford it...you can't afford it.  Period.

3. Never vacation on credit.

In May 2009 my oldest nephew graduated from high school, and we were planning on attending his graduation.  Since we lived in NW Ohio at the time and my sister and her family lives in SE Georgia, it was also a perfect opportunity to take a few extra days and make it our big summer vacation.  The problem: In April 2009, I was offered a job back in Indiana (where we really had been wanting to move back to), so we spent May 2009 planning our move to Indiana in June.  And we were not just moving (which costs money), but we were buying a house (we couldn't pass up the low housing prices at the time) and I was actually taking a small pay cut (ouch! but we did what we felt we needed to do to live closer to family).  My sister was very upset that we were canceling our plans, even going so far as to encourage me to just take the vacation and figure out how to pay for it later. I love her, and I wanted to be there for my nephew (and Superman wanted to get a tan in SE Georgia), but there was no way I was taking a vacation, even an "inexpensive" one right in the middle of this major life event.  Did I have empty credit cards I could have used?  Yes, but that kind of thinking right there (Spend now, worry how to pay later...)  is how people end up in massive credit card debt.   We do not play those games, we spend now and pay now. 

4. Plan ahead.

I am not shy or embarrassed to admit that I want to take my kids to Disney World.  I went as a kid and loved it.  I went as a teenager and loved it.  I went as a young adult, with my young nephews, and loved it.  I want to go as a parent with my children and love it!  When is the big question, because we want to take them when they are old enough to be able to do most of the attractions, but young enough to still "believe".  I want them to see Mickey Mouse and freak out like a pre-teen at a Justin Beiber concert.  I want them to meet the Disney characters and get excited, as if they were meeting celebrities.

Because of this, a few years ago, I signed up for a Chase Disney Rewards card.  I use this card every day.  I pay everything and anything I can on this card.  I pay for groceries, gas, my cell phone bill, doctor's visits, Superman's grad school tuition, etc.  As long as you pay off the balance before the billing due date (which we always do), you never pay any APR. And for every one of my purchases, I get 1% back in Disney Rewards Dollars.  It is a very slow accumulation, but a gradual one.  And to date, I have earned $436 towards a Disney vacation.  These can count towards food, lodging, tickets, etc. My goal is to earn enough points to pay for our tickets and lodging costs, so that all I'll have to save cash for is gas and food.

These points start to expire in September 2014, so as long as we plan our trip sometime before then, we will be able to take full advantage of all our points.  And considering the boys will turn 7 in June 2014, I'm convinced that anytime we take them before the points begin to expire, we will be well within age range of them really enjoying it!

Could I just say "Hey let's go to Disney" and put it all on a credit card?  Sure I could do that.  But it is much more financially prudent of us to plan out this trip years in advance, slowly paying for it just by charging a card with our typical monthly expenses that I'd be spending anyway. 

 

Going home

Dear Sarah,

I am looking foward to seeing you soon!

Dear Amber,

Yay!  Can't wait it's been decades!  Holy crap, did I say decades?! 

Kony 2012

Dear Sarah,

Have you seen this video yet?



I first became aware of the organization Invisible Children in 2005.  I think I heard about them on the Oprah show. (?)

I was drawn to this cause, and even attended a few Invisible Children events.  But I live in a middle class, white bread world, and this cause fell off my radar when I moved to Ohio (new job...new marriage...new babies).

I think this is a beautiful documentary bringing to light an incredibly important issue that WE ALL as humans should be considered about.

But you know what ticks me off Sarah?  It seems any time there are these organizations seeking to do good, there are people whose sole mission in life it seems is to try to discredit them and knock them down.  As the Kony 2012 mission is beginning to take off, so come out of the woodwork people trying to sabotage them.  Take this article on the Daily What.  They call the Invisible Children (a non-profit organization designed to prevent the murder of children) "misleading,” “naive,” and “dangerous”.  Want to see the original sentence that these quotes refer to:

There’s also something inherently misleading, naive, maybe even dangerous, about the idea of rescuing children or saving of Africa. It’s often not an accidental choice of words, even if it’s unwitting. It hints uncomfortably of the White Man’s Burden.

So, these men think this movement is dangerous because it encourages "white men" (1st would countries) to help stop atrocities on "black men" (3rd world countries).

He also goes on to try and discredit the organization for spending a large chunk of it's revenue producing the above documentary.  The documentary they are using to bring awareness and action to their cause.

I will admit.  I am not a fan of organizations that seem to operate for the sole purpose of awareness (ahem, Susan B. Komen).  However, if you watch the video, they are trying to lay out a plan! The awareness is their effort to get the plan going.  You have to get citizens united about a cause, or the politicians won't care.

The narrator of the documentary wrote this article in response to the swirling criticism.  Including this break down of their 2011 finances:

I'm not saying people shouldn't question.  They should.  And we should hold organizations accountable.  But Sarah, when every organization is constantly challenged and degraded and discredited, what do we have left to believe in?  To support?

Maybe it's Pollyanna of me, but I'd like to believe that more people are compassionate and care about these types of causes than we would believe, but they are being held back from speaking up or participating because we have become a nation of cynicals and doubters.  We think every organization is just out to misappropriate funds and benefit someone/thing other than the cause it names.

For now, I'm choosing to support the Invisible Children.  And I already ordered a pack of 25 posters ($5) from their website to post around my town on April 20.  Because I can spare $5 and an hour or so of my time if it will in any way support a cause to bring less suffering to people who have experienced so much.

Thoughts?

Dear Amber,

I hadn't seen this video, until just a few moments ago.  A co-worker forwarded this video to me this morning.  I didn't want to open the video at work and forgot to open when I got home. 

As a mother I cannot imagine living in Uganda and the worry they experience.  As a person, what is taking place in Uganda is heart breaking, gut wrenching, appalling, inhumane, a tragedy that will ear mark this generation. 

Reading the article about Invisible Children offers reassurance that the charitable contributions are managed effectively and that IR takes fiscal responsibility seriously. 

Am I surprised that our media and members of our society are attempting to tarnish IR's reputation?-No.  Some folks operate on a glass 1/2 empty, the world is out to get me, nobody likes me and I might as well go eat worms perspective.  Could racism be driving some of these individuals...abso-freakinglutely!  Is it shameful and disgusting...yes indeed.

We to catch this guy and stop the horrible crimes committed!

Nursing Home Meth Lab Fire

There was an explosion and fire at Park Haven Nursing Home in Ashtabula, OH; the result of a meth lab allegedly built by visitors of a Park Haven resident.  According to police reports the resident was aware of the meth lab in his room.  Park Haven Nursing Home is a Medicare/Medicaid certified SNF/LTC facility operating with a 50 bed capacity; in the world of LTC this is a small facility.  I've worked in nursing homes that have upwards of 240 residents.  This can only be the result of a severe lack of oversight on not only the part of management of Park Haven, but also the result of staff who lack empathy and the ability to advocate for their residents. 
Park Haven has received citations from the Dept of Health which include an Immediate Jeopardy (IJ) tag because they failed to give each resident care and services to get or keep the highest quality of life possible.  They were also given an Actual Harm tag because they did not make sure that the nursing home area is free of dangers that cause accidents. What is most frightening to me as a Long term care social worker is this tag; Park Haven failed to keep each resident free from physical restraints, unless needed for medical treatment.  Physical restraints have not been used in Nursing Homes for decades.  Hospitals continue to use physical restraints when necessary for patient safety, but nursing homes have been tasked with removing physical and pharmacological restraints for a long time now. 
There are so many good nursing homes in our country.  Poor management and crappy hiring practices can result in tragedies such as this one.  I don't understand how no one noticed the smell or that when you walked by this room your eyes began to water, your skin would feel like it was burning??  Nursing home rooms aren't exactly spacious, surely the scent and heavy chemical presence would have saturated this room and leaked out into the hallways and adjacent rooms.

Meth can really make ya ugly.

A bigger problem is that nursing homes are admitting younger patients, who have no discharge plans.  They have no family support, no one to take care of them when they're done with their rehabilitation.  Our country is not equipped to deal with a young, disabled, drug abusing population; housing these people in nursing homes is a poor solution and a disservice to our elderly.
So Amber, what do we do with our young, disabled, drug abusing population that is crowding desperate for funds nursing homes?  Most of these young people are on Medicaid, the nursing homes likely receive $156.17 per day to care for these young people...in most cases that doesn't even cover the cost of the medications they need and the food they eat, let alone the care they're supposed to be receiving.

     



Dear Sarah,

I don't know a lot about meth users.  Or meth rehabilitation.  Or why anyone would ever want to use meth in the first place.

I volunteer at a low barrier homeless shelter every Tuesday night.  Most of our guests are whacked out of their minds when they come to us.  There are other homeless shelters in town, more permanent ones, but you have to be sober to stay there.  Ours has no restrictions and is only open (at rotating churches) during the winter months.  Our only goal is to keep these people from freezing to death.

It makes me happy to help them and provide this service, but it makes me terribly sad that there are so many people that refuse good treatment, because it requires them to quit using first.  That kind of addiction is just something I cannot understand.

Amber,

Nursing homes are not detox facilities.  Neither the staff nor the patients would benefit from active drug users residing in the facility.  Addicts need rehab...if they don't want rehab...maybe they should live on the streets?  Maybe they should be in jail?  I don't have the answer, I just don't want a bunch of drug addicts among my elders.

Bundle of Joy

Sarah,

On a lighter note...

I was pleased this afternoon to see the headline Nick & Vanessa Lachey Expecting a Baby.  I am just a hair too old for the N*Sync/BackStreetBoys/98degrees boy band craze.  So I couldn't have even told you who Nick Lachey was before watching The Newlyweds on MTV.  But while watching the show, I developed a severe like of Lachey.

He was so midwestern to me.  So unspoiled compared to Jessica.  I remember when they moved into their new house, he didn't want to pay for movers to move some huge pinball machine, so he and his brother rented a fork lift and attempted to do it themselves while Jessica kept whining to "just pay someone do it."  For the record, if I was his wife, I would have been saying the same thing (but without the whine...mine is more of a told-you-so-nag), but I loved that he was convinced he and his brother could do it themselves when most rich people would just "pay someone."

I loved him balking over Jessica spending thousands of dollars on egyptian cotton sheets that she thought was a necessity.  I loved that he faithfully wore his Cincinnati Reds baseball cap every where he went.  He loved going camping.

He just always came off as untouched by all of the fame and money.  He seemed like a guy you'd want to have a beer with.

She seemed like a naive, spoiled little girl.  Not someone I'd hate, but someone who would annoy me.  Like the biology partner who would want you to do all of the lab work because "(sigh) uh (whine) I just got my nails done."  She seemed so needy.  Like she needed people to take care of her.  Not a quality I appreciate in capable able-bodied adults.  But the fact that he seemed to want to take care of her, for better or for worse, made me like him all the more.

When they got divorced, I was sad for them.  Sad that perhaps the limelight on their marriage might have doomed an otherwise possibly lovely and successful union.

I hoped good things for them as they moved on.

Jessica seemed to bounce back.  She was as popular as ever.  And dating famous sport star after sport star to prove it.

Nick tried to release a single and video.  I must admit, I found it cheesy.  The man can definitely sing, but obviously needs better management.

Then I saw him act in a few things.  Okay, Nick Lachey, if you are reading this QUIT TRYING TO BE A SINGER, AND FOCUS ON ACTING!  YOU ARE A PRETTY GOOD ACTOR!  Superman and I both agreed that he should give up the day job (cheesy love songs) and try to find some full time acting gigs.

His relationship with Vanessa has been quiet, but seemingly stable.  They always seem happy, but never showy or put on.

I was happy to hear of their wedding last summer.  They really took their time getting to know one another and making sure it was the right time before taking that very serious commitment step.
And now, they are having a baby!  I'm very happy for them.  I really do bet they'll be great, loving, and committed parents.

I don't know Nick Lachey.  I'll never meet him.  I have no desire to meet him.  But I'm just impressed by him.  By his down-to-earthness.  He just reminds me of so many guys I've known and liked.  And I wish him and Vanessa the best of luck as they embark on this new journey in their lives together.


Amber,

I think it's cute how excited he was to announce her pregnancy. 

 For the record, I was a BIG N'Sync fan!  Even saw them in concert when I was in college, I think in Hershey, PA.

I've never given much thought to Nick Lachey as an individual.  I liked him in The Newlyweds, I thought he was very patient.   He seemed like a caring husband.  
 I had a difficult time deciphering whether or not Jessica's ditzy blonde moments were genuine or simply a ploy for attention.  Either way it was obnoxious.   
Betcha Vanessa will be completely adorable with a basketball shaped tummy and little to no swelling or fluid retention :)  Vanessa, I wish you 40 weeks of wonder and anticipation; eat your beloved burritos as often as you'd like, take advantage of the foot rubs, bask in the glory of decorating a nursery, and love that little baby like there's no tomorrow.